Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Common Sense and Wal-Mart Sucks

 (Warning: story from my childhood and learning a lesson at the end.  But first here's an anti Wal-Mart rant!)

Ask any guy if he is logical!  "Oh hell yeah!  I'm rational, sane, and logical like Spock!")  Yeah... sure we are... um hmmm...  Cooking can be like a logic puzzle.  The process goes like this:  What are you going to make?  Think about flavors: on the plate, working together, finished product.  Work backwards.  When does this need to come off the stove?  Okay, how long is it going to take to cook?  Fine, what time to start it then?  Good, now what goes into it?  Does that need to be chopped?  Big pieces or diced?

That's the process and it gets easier each time you do it.  You (and you alone) know the ins and outs of your pan thickness and BTU's of your grill and how that will affect cooking time.  What's the grilling time for a hamburger versus a chicken breast?

You've got to think a little about what you're doing.  Michael Ruhlman wrote an excellent book on technique - one of which is THINKING.  Not thinking can wreck your dinner.  Here's an example:  An actual recipe from the spawn of the Evil Empire that is Wal-Mart.  This recipe from Sam's Club for Roasted Garlic and Herb Steaks calls for grilling a strip steak over direct high heat for 15 to 20 minutes!  For medium-rare!

I am in no way disrespecting the chefs hired by the Wal-Mart clan who created and published this recipe...  Oh screw that!  Of course I am!  Wake up moron!  Gordon Ramsay would kick your ass!  15 to 20 minutes on direct high heat?  Strip steak?  WTF?  Unless you've got a steak like the Flintstones Brontosaurus Ribs, that steak is destined to be crap!.
Do you really want to spend good money for a steak and end up eating the culinary equivalent of shredded tire tread from a semi along the highway?  Even a raccoon would walk away from that.  So I guess Wal-Mart wants you to waste your money, not save your money.  Do yourself a favor - get to know your local butcher and support small business.  Think, plan, be prepared.

(Here's the story from my early cooking days wherein there was not much thinking going on...)
One of my first real cooking experiences with a friend - went to Illinois Beach State Lodge with John Galang.  He had the great idea that we were going to get up early and hang out on the beach of Lake Michigan.  Bring food, build small fire, do some fishing - hang out all day.

What would be better than blueberry pancakes on the beach first thing in the morning with the sun coming up?

Maybe a pan to cook them in.

Also a spatula.

Back packs?  Check.  Blueberries?  Check.  Matches?  Got 'em.  That was about it.  I'd like to tell you that I rose to the occasion and found a way to make something out of nothing.  I'd like to say that those were the best pancakes I ever ate.  Nah.  We did "cook" something but it in no way resembled a blueberry pancake.  Cooked them on aluminum fail - I mean foil.  Hanging out at the beach all day turned into, "God, this sucks."  Got back on our bikes and we were home eating a hot dog by 12:30.

Lesson learned.  Be prepared.  Wal-Mart sucks.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

I Have Seen The Future

Glad Torsdag!  (That's Happy Thursday to my Swedish friends)


I have seen the future and it is aquaponics.  

This is a symbiotic system for growing plants and raising fish using 10% of the water used in traditional farming.  It uses no soil - allowing urban farms to feed people where traditional farming is non-existent.  Aquaponics can be small-scale for home growers or large-scale commercial farms with practically no pollution.

 Check out 312 Aquaponics  If you are familiar with 312 Urban Wheat beer, you know that 312 is the area code in Chicago.  We here at Chicks Dig Central love Goose Island Products (see the Matlida blog post here for a kick-ass tuna recipe)!

A perusal of other website information on the subject will yield anything from classy blogs like Sylvia Berstein's excellent resource Aquaponic Gardening to goofy-ass bunker-living, gun-toting "Planners" who see this technology as their survival plan for Armageddon-end of the world-Mayan Doomsday scenarios.  (This one is pretty funny though...)

Now if you know for a FACT that your chick would dig you being THAT GUY, then by all means...
DoomsdayPreppers_Megan_Weapon.jpg(picture from nationalgeographic.com)

 I personally will not be "Prepping" but this aquaponics should be on everyone's radar.  Particularly YOU - Guy who knows how to cook stuff.  You are going to be a superstar when all this delicious fish is being harvested.  (But Doug, how do I cook fish so it isn't dry and smelly?)

Glad you asked!  

Skillet Tilapia with Lemon-Cilantro Butter

4 Tablespoons softened butter
Juice of 1/2 lemon
fresh cilantro
2 thawed tilapia fillets

Combine first three ingredients in a bowl and mix well.  Set aside.
Heat non-stick skillet with one tablespoon olive oil over medium heat.  Add tilapia fillets and season lightly with salt and pepper.  Leave them the hell alone.  When the edges are white and the middle has only a little "pink" left, turn off the heat and cover.  Leave them the hell alone for about 4 minutes so they finish cooking.  I even have a photo for you!  (I know, it's crazy how much I care...)

Carefully slide them onto a plate and top with the lemon butter for an instant, yummy sauce.

Got it?  Serve with a crisp salad (grown aquaponically or not) and a nice Goose Island beer.  Watch out for prepping nut jobs.

More fish recipes in the book Chicks Dig Guys That Cook and some pretty funny stuff too...  Thanks for playing along!