Quinoa pretzels

She-Who-Digs-Me found an awesome deal on pretzels.  One pound bag for a buck!  Ha!  She is always finding good deals on stuff...  But bag of pretzels???  Yummy, crispy, fat-free snacks!  WooHoo!

Now I'm thinking, "Don't want to be a Nutri-Nazi here, but that's a bunch of carbs... and I know me"

I'm not into sweets and stuff.  Never really was.  People say that's so lucky!!!  Nah... Just don't care for the taste.  Not sure why.  Just not my thing.  But give me a bag of chips and LOOK OUT!

So here's this nice bag of pretzels - I remember doing my "Better Bread" thing (page 120 of the cookbook for those of you keeping track...) and putting yummy stuff on a loaf of bread to bake.  Realizing I have this 7-Seed mix in the pantry, naturally thoughts turned to put that on pretzel - cuz it's kind of like bread - only tiny bite-sized loaves with salt.

I grabbed the 7-Seed mix and saw the ingredients include QUINOA!  Quinoa (pronounced "keen-wha") is a ridiculously yummy, healthy grain.  All the rage...blahblahblah.  Click here to read all the health benefits of quinoa.  Pretty awesome!

Then I'm thinking, "Whaaaaa?  Healthy grain on a yummy snack?  Count me in."

Sooooo.... I baked my pretzels with a garlic, quinoa, sesame seed coating - and - it - is - GREAT!

Here's how...

I used half the bag of pretzels... (4cups of pretzels, okay?)
4 Tbs melted butter
1tsp quinoa
1tsp sesame seeds
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp seasoned salt
1/2 tsp dried dill weed

Combine all except the pretzels and mix well.  Add the pretzels and stir to coat well.  Bake at 325 degrees for 15 minutes - stirring every 5 minutes or so.

Snack healthier!  I'm going to try this on popcorn soon...

Did I Mention How Much I Hate Paula Deen?

She's at it again.  That butter-glazed bitch from the South has her own food company!  You need to be warned!  Be vigilant!  Celebrity worship is truly the Fast Lane To Damnation.




Click here for a link to a Huffingtonpost.com article to read all about Paula's "Finishing Butter", Tortilla Chips, and Chocolates.  

I wish I was effing making this up.  

For you, I have traveled to hell and back (Paula's website) to bring the details to light of "Finishing Butter" a la Paula.  This quote directly from Pauladeen.com:

          I’ll also be sharing with y’all my new grilling finishing butters that lets us all cook with butter as a “finishing” ingredient, using my favorite taste of butter in moderation.  My grilling butter is amazing on steak, fish, shrimp or shellfish, its great on potatoes or pasta – it goes with everything.  I also am makin’ other great varieties, of butter including Citrus Zest Butter, Lemon Dill Butter, European-Style Butter, and Garden Herb Butter, all available in Walmart stores across the country.

I am gagging as I type this.  Thank God I will never be exposed to this corrupt, money-grubbing Butter Bitch and her ridiculous foods - because I will never enter a Walmart store.

Let's break down the quote from the Deen of Dairy: 
1.  Anyone else tired of the "Y'all" thing?  There is no reason for her to remind us in print of her Southern heritage.  We know, Paula.  Okay?  We know.
2.  Butter as a "finishing ingredient" is freaking genius Paula.  You mean like finishing salt?  Or a drizzle of vinegar?  A sauce is a nice finishing ingredient.  Oh wait!  You mean BUTTER.
3.  It goes with everything.  That's a great way to round out a meal.  Butter on everything.
4.  You are "makin'" other great varieties of butter? Geez Paula!  You're not makin' - you're selling!  Note the damn "g" on the end of the word?  You're welcome.
5.  Fucking Walmart?  Are you kidding?  If it was a real culinary weapon in my kitchen arsenal it would be in a real grocery chain.

You want to know what the real problem is with this crap?  Not Paula making more money.  

Paula!  You have a cooking show!  Teach people how to make compound butter on your show! Here is a link to a tilapia recipe I posted with a simple compound butter.  It's not hard Paula.  Even you could teach this.  And you would not have to sell processed foods to your loyal fans.

Instead you post recipes for fish (good for you Paula!  fish!) that include reduced sauces containing heavy cream PLUS your goddamn butter.  Your recipes suck. 

Rainy Days

When life feels like:

Eating hot-buttered toast in a cold, pouring rain.

And you could use an umbrella...

Be someone's umbrella today

Lime - Tequila Wings

Springtime is Grill Time

I am sick of winter - sick of snow - sick of warming up the car before going anywhere.  Everything takes so much work, too much time.  Probably the only great thing about winter is Christmas (well the holidays in general). 

Thanksgiving is fun but demands a shit load of work.  The menu gets planned a week or two in advance.  Shopping, cleaning, prepping, blah blah blah.  The actual meal itself takes hours (hours!) to make and in twenty minutes it's over.  Then more cleaning.  Once that's done, then - and only then - is my favorite part: drinking and playing family games.

Christmas is exhausting: more planning, shopping, cleaning.  Add in decorating, more shopping, wrapping.  Weeks in the planning and in twenty minutes it's over.  Clean all that up and (don't forget Christmas dinner!) after that... drinking and playing family games.  See a pattern here?

Then January, February - pfbbbbbbt.  (That's the stick your tongue out and blow sound.)

Yeah, it's winter and I'm enjoying that cigar - making
the now-famous Lime Tequila Wings!

Why can't we just drink and play games and get right to the good stuff?  (That's called college...)

Kids have it easy - bundle up, go outside and play in the snow.  By high school, you adopt that Too-Cool-For-The-Room attitude and building a snowman is off the radar.  In college, drinking and playing games (usually drinking games) LEADS to playing outside in the snow!  The shitty thing about being an adult is how much freaking work it takes to have fun.  Especially in the  long, dark, boring, crappy winter months.

Well here it is... Spring is just around the corner.  Easier to get out and go!  Get out and do!  Golfing, grilling, (kick your feet up and light up a cigar) YEAH BABY!   
I feel myself turning the corner and ready to share moronic observations and culinary adventures and kitchen disasters.  Enjoy life, laugh a little bit.  Let's go...

THE Lime Tequila Wings - to be pronounced the same way
they say, "THE Ohio State University"

 Yep.  It's worth it - braving the cold, liquid courage (liquid furnace?) in hand, working the grill!  See ya out there...

Mark Zuckerberg, You're Fired

I have realized that I spend a great deal of time just reading about other people's lives.  Not that other people are not funny or interesting.  It's the time.  I could spend hours clicking and reading.  Following threads and posts.  At the end of all that, what do I have?  Knowledge?  Not much.  Clarity?  Very little.  So I'm done.  No more Facebook.

This is just like when I was a kid and quit television cold turkey.  The realization hit me like a ton of bricks.  All that time wasted.  The hours ticked by and there I sat doing nothing.  I was all of twelve years old.

Turning on the TV after school was always the same: Gilligan's Island, Bewitched, Hogan's Heroes, Dick Van Dyke Show, and others.  Hours of sitting around with eyes glued to the set.  Day after day - every day. At least three hours of fake television laugh tracks even before dinner time.  Prime time television was even more time spent barely blinking.

Four to five hours per weekday totaled twenty to twenty-five hours.  BOOM!  That's one whole damn day! I was giving up an entire day of my week, every week.  In the years between age 7 to age 12, I had lost one whole year of my life sitting in front of the TV doing nothing.  (Yeah, I actually thought logically about stuff as a kid - some things never change.)

Giving up TV was weirdly liberating.  Now I am hoping for that same lift by giving up Facebook.

I still love writing and I'd like to continue my blog.  If you'd like to keep reading it, feel free.  You may find it easier to click the follower tab at the bottom of the page.  Or click the RSS feed.  Posts will be delivered to you.  Click on the comment below and share stuff if you'd like.  But if you've linked to the blog via Facebook in the past I won't be there.  The blog is not my problem - Facebook is my problem.  Not interested.

You may decide you are done reading blog posts that are wasting your time - that's cool.  Have fun - live life.

Until we eat again,
Doug