Did I Mention How Much I Hate Paula Deen?

She's at it again.  That butter-glazed bitch from the South has her own food company!  You need to be warned!  Be vigilant!  Celebrity worship is truly the Fast Lane To Damnation.




Click here for a link to a Huffingtonpost.com article to read all about Paula's "Finishing Butter", Tortilla Chips, and Chocolates.  

I wish I was effing making this up.  

For you, I have traveled to hell and back (Paula's website) to bring the details to light of "Finishing Butter" a la Paula.  This quote directly from Pauladeen.com:

          I’ll also be sharing with y’all my new grilling finishing butters that lets us all cook with butter as a “finishing” ingredient, using my favorite taste of butter in moderation.  My grilling butter is amazing on steak, fish, shrimp or shellfish, its great on potatoes or pasta – it goes with everything.  I also am makin’ other great varieties, of butter including Citrus Zest Butter, Lemon Dill Butter, European-Style Butter, and Garden Herb Butter, all available in Walmart stores across the country.

I am gagging as I type this.  Thank God I will never be exposed to this corrupt, money-grubbing Butter Bitch and her ridiculous foods - because I will never enter a Walmart store.

Let's break down the quote from the Deen of Dairy: 
1.  Anyone else tired of the "Y'all" thing?  There is no reason for her to remind us in print of her Southern heritage.  We know, Paula.  Okay?  We know.
2.  Butter as a "finishing ingredient" is freaking genius Paula.  You mean like finishing salt?  Or a drizzle of vinegar?  A sauce is a nice finishing ingredient.  Oh wait!  You mean BUTTER.
3.  It goes with everything.  That's a great way to round out a meal.  Butter on everything.
4.  You are "makin'" other great varieties of butter? Geez Paula!  You're not makin' - you're selling!  Note the damn "g" on the end of the word?  You're welcome.
5.  Fucking Walmart?  Are you kidding?  If it was a real culinary weapon in my kitchen arsenal it would be in a real grocery chain.

You want to know what the real problem is with this crap?  Not Paula making more money.  

Paula!  You have a cooking show!  Teach people how to make compound butter on your show! Here is a link to a tilapia recipe I posted with a simple compound butter.  It's not hard Paula.  Even you could teach this.  And you would not have to sell processed foods to your loyal fans.

Instead you post recipes for fish (good for you Paula!  fish!) that include reduced sauces containing heavy cream PLUS your goddamn butter.  Your recipes suck. 

5 Things I Hate About Paula Deen

Sorry, Y'All!  I jest cain't help it...  The woman drives me nuts.  The Southern cooking show queen turned diabetic, Paula Deen was quoted, "I think a few people who have access to a TV camera and ink wanted to hate on me for coming down with something.  But I so don't worry about it."  Well good for you Paula.  Don't give a thought to my 5 Things I Hate About Paula Deen list either.

1. Stupid Fake Smile  - check this out...

She tips her head left, she tips her head right.  Same over-the-top, look-at-me, I'm Paul Deen cheese.

Burger with donuts!

     2.  Ridiculous Food - She claims to cook Southern-style comfort food.  Paula, plumping up your butt for ease in sitting on hard chairs is not what they mean by comfort food.  Everyone has heard by now of the insane episode where she makes a burger with egg, bacon, and uses glazed donuts instead of buns ... or how about the Deep Fried Cheesecake episode http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42oUVwyFsZI  with 1/4 cup sugar, 24 ounces cream cheese, 1 more cup sugar, white chocolate, semisweet chocolate, powdered sugar, chocolate sauce and whipped cream, oh and eggs.  Shit.

3.  Selling diabetes medications.  Well all the celebrities are doin' it y'all.  That's like a pusher giving kids heroin so he can sell them more later.  Hey Bitch.  Cashing those checks from Novo Nordisk aren't ya?  http://www.novonordisk.com/  (Full disclosure - I'm a doctor and I see diabetics everyday and the consequences.  This is a tough disease and these companies are saving lives.  But medication without lifestyle changes are a drain on the healthcare system.)

4.  New diet in People magazine.  After getting fat and happy (literally) pushing stupid insane "Comfort Food" Y'all while hiding her diabetic condition - NOW she figures out that her plate should have a whole lot more vegetables and fish on it.

5.  ANOTHER celebration of the latest celebrity to get clean or lean!  Hooray!  Where are the celebrations for those individuals who stay clean or lean all along?  "Oh, Paula Deen lost 30 pounds by eating healthy!  Wow!  Isn't that great?  Maybe I can do it too!"  Well some of us don't have 30 pounds to lose so you can shower us with admiration.  You know why?  Because we never ate four cups of sugar with a pound of melted butter chaser in one sitting.  Like the prodigal son we are supposed to welcome Paula into the fold of the healthy and celebrate her finding the light (meals) blah blah blah.

Do yourself a favor, click on a fish recipe on my page or any page anywhere on the internet and find something you like about it.

Meanwhile Paula Deen will continue to cash checks from endorsement deals for everything from ham and cream cheese to diabetes medication and smiles her smarmy-fake smile for People magazine.  What a bunch of deep-fried baloney.