Up In Smoke

There are of course many fans of baseball who like to cook.  Some of these fans are even hot women, so here at Chicks Dig Headquarters we are ever vigilant to monitor issues that affect you: "Guy Who Aims to Impress Chicks"!  AND at the bottom of the page is a grilling idea to help you elevate your backyard culinary skills.

A couple of rules here to get us started.  First, baseball is best enjoyed in the movies.  "The Sandlot."  "Field of Dreams" ("The man's done enough.  Leave him alone.")  "Bull Durham".  "A League of Their Own".  (A little shout out to my home of Rockford - nice.)

Second, the Chicago Cubs are awful.  Enough said.

There is a baseball issue in the news that irks me : July 2, 2011 Tampa Rays (formerly Devil Rays - what's up with changing the name?) versus St. Louis Cardinals.  Watch the throwback jerseys the Rays will wear.  They will be sporting the jersey of the Tampa Smokers.  Keith Morelli of The Tampa Tribune reports that the image of the lit cigar in the underscore of "Smokers" will be eliminated.   Click here for the whole story .

Notice the updated jersey STILL SAYS "Smokers"!  Duh!  Take out the cigar and you change the message!  What?  Are you kidding me?  It says "Smokers"!  Choose your own side of the smoke-free debate.  (I'm pro-choice.)

photo: Tampa Bay Rays

This is ignorant on the part of the Tampa Rays organization.  Dabbling in revisionist history is dangerous.  The very idea that we can promote "smoke-free" and safe-guard our children's children for the future is another bone-headed politically correct notion that lazy parents (and legislators) cling to.  They look to goofy acts like this to teach people, old and young, that you don't need to get facts and make decisions appropriate to your needs.  Just trust Big Brother to take care of all your needs.

Do we really think there will come a day when we have eradicated the very idea of smoking?  When an image of a lit cigar will invoke a tiny voice to ask, "Daddy, what's that?"  No.  The choice of smoking is a discussion that every parent must have with their child.  It goes something like this: "Well little Tommy, smoking has been shown to be a habit that can make people very sick.  Some people still like to do it.  I choose to have a cigar once in a while because I like them.  I looked at the risks and decided to smoke only occasionally.  Someday you will have to make your own choice."  (Actual discussion with my own guys.)  Click here to say hi to Dennis

Now don't get me wrong.  Not all smoking laws are evil and off-base.  (Baseball reference!  Ha!  Get it?  The Cubs are evil!)  wait for it, wait for it... okay.  Moving on.  I like the smoking ban in restaurants because I like to taste my pork - not your Camel. 

I promised you a grilling idea.  You got it exhalted Barbeque BigWig!

Here's a way to make smoking work FOR you.  A tip for summertime grilling for ya!  Think of a fresh spice that would complement your grilled meat.  Fresh thyme and chicken.  Fresh chives and beef.  Whatever.  Next time you step out to the grill grab a bunch of fresh herbs from the produce section of the grocery and place six or seven sprigs right next to the meat on the grill and close the lid.  Check it later and you'll see the charred remains of herbal yumminess - yeah go ahead and add some more!  You've got nowhere to go, right?  The smoking herb will infuse the meat with a flavor that you can't get out of jar.  Use this in addition to your regular spices and you'll find combinations that will get you noticed.  Chicks Dig You!

Silence of the Limes

Mark Zuckerberg, this one's for you!

Mr. Zuckerberg founded Facebook (you did see The Social Network, right?  good movie).  Mark has taken to eating only meat that he himself has slaughtered.  The goal of this is to make him more thoughtful about what he is ingesting and thankful for the life of the animal.  He reportedly started with a live lobster and has since killed and eaten other animals: pig, chicken, goat.  When he is not eating meat (because he didn't take them down himself) he eats a vegetarian diet.  Which brings to mind the obvious question:  Who kills the vegetarians that he eats?

Ooooh.  Sorry.  Bad taste.  (Get it?) 

In all seriousness, we here at Chicks Dig Citrus Ranch (home of the Happy Fruit) applaud Mr. Zuckerberg's efforts at conscientous consuming and wish to further his education by offering the proper way to slaughter limes.  Limes are an important part of any health-conscious consumer of... BEER!  Corona plus vitamin C equals nutrition.  Hot women on TV are seen drinking beer - so that means it's true.

We must take proper care to get this delicious vitamin into our diet in a respectful, responsible fashion.

WARNING -  the images presented are graphic in nature and may be disturbing to some... (wussies!)

Click video HERE

What does one do with all those dead but delicious limes?  Make Lime-Tequila Wings baby!

Lime-Tequila Wings

Sweet, Salty, Juicy, Yummy - you get it!  Fan-Freaking-Tastic!

Here's the recipe:



Get your package of chicken wings and make sure they’re thawed.  Put them in a large Zip-type bag and pour in a cup of tequila.  Squeeze the juice from two limes in there and throw in the carcasses.  Sprinkle sea salt (2 Tablespoons or so) on top.  Seal it up and let that marinate for a couple hours.  You are brining the chicken with the salt and adding flavor with the tequila!  God!  How cool is that?  Remember to turn the bag over every once in a while.  Drink some tequila in the mean time.

Heat up the grill to medium-high and space the wings evenly apart.  Sprinkle on a little seasoned salt and grill the wings for ten minutes on each side.  Now turn down the heat to medium-low and finish ‘em off low and slow until they are golden brown and crispy.  This part takes about an hour so take your time.  Every 10 to15 minutes during the low and slow part squeeze a little more lime over the wings.  It's important!  The lime is going to carmelize to a sweet, sticky, yummy glaze!  When your are done, sprinkle on a little sea salt.

Tell all your friends how hard you worked and how much the ladies dig you!

Tuna Vs. Alligator

Earlier this month, Cook County Sheriffs arrested 43 year old Dewayne Yarbrough for misdemeanor charge of possession of a dangerous animal.  Seems five years ago he purchased an alligator and has been raising it in his suburban home ever since.  He was asked why an alligator and replied, "because chicks dig it".

Dude...

Let's clear one thing up.
I don't know of any chick who would dig a guy just because he keeps an alligator in his house.  How many chicks would dig a guy with one hand missing - knowing that his pet ate his hand?  See, I think of all the things that could possibly impress a woman, reckless endangerment of limbs and appendages would be at the bottom of the list. 

By the way, the alligator was fed 10 live mice per week.  Yeah, I doubt the chicks are going to be digging the mice either.  Is she really going to feel happy and safe and content being in the same house as rodents and reptiles?

She wants a thrill?  Take her driving on the Dan Ryan with a 15 year-old behind the wheel on a learner's permit.

You know what she WILL dig? Tuna Tacos!  Click on the link for the story!  Click Right Here

Getting Wild With Goats

Recently the bill was passed in Florida making it illegal to hump a goat.

Sen. Nan Rich pushed for the change in state law after being disgusted by a report in 2007 of a serial goat raper on the loose in the Sunshine State.  Interestingly it took 3 tries to pass the bestiality bill making it illegal to have sexual activity between humans and animals which begs the question: what the hell took so long?  Who said, "now wait just a doggone minute here - maybe the animal in question was consenting?" 

Sidenote: the same day the "droopy drawers bill" was passed.  Those criminal baggy-pants wearing teens imitating their favorite rapper-du jour will take note.  Showing your Sponge Bob underwear while crossing the street holding up your jeans as you trot will not be tolerated.  I wonder if law makers have the same problem with seeing young girls' thong straps showing above the rise of their jeans?  Naw I didn't think so either.  Come on Florida!  Really?  This one you can and should look the other way.  It's a fad.  Remember the crappy pastel colored leisure suits you wore in the 70's?  Nobody outlawed that shit and it was just as offensive.

One thing we cannot condone though is animal humping.  Well thank God goats and other innocent animals are now free to roam the streets in the eyes of Florida law enforcement officials! 

Here at Chicks Dig Central we are very interested in exploring happiness in any form one can find it on this crazy planet but remain staunch believers in obeying the law while pursuing such happiness.  May we suggest the pleasure seeker enjoy the animal in a gustatory fashion?  It can be stimulating in very many ways: visual, tactile, olfactory, etc. 

In fact let's put together a date night celebrating the goat!  Cheese, that is!

Go buy a nice artisan loaf of bread, and some goat cheese.  Make sure you have on hand some good wine (one of my new faves - the Z 52 zinfandel is a great choice here) and maybe pick up a nice charcuterie - ham, sausage, prosciutto, or whatever looks good.  Also pick up a nice ripe pear or two and a little dark chocolate for dessert.  Soften the cheese and put it in a bowl then add chopped chives.  Stir that up and make sure the chopped chives are mixed in real well.  Set that aside.  You're gonna have a picnic!  (What?) 

This is all about easy dude!  Slice the bread kind of thin and pour on a little olive oil and sprinkle lightly with salt and fresh pepper.  Put it on a cookie sheet and bake at 350 degrees to toast it lightly.  Eight to ten minutes?  Yeah, good.  Meanwhile slice the meat and the pear so they are nice and thin.  Put the hot bread slices, the meat, the pear onto a plate.  Have fun trying different combinations of flavors:  bread with pear, meat with cheese, pear with cheese, etc. 

The creamy mouthfeel of the food works on the tongue with the wine and makes you and her happy.  That is a much better (and legal) way to pleasure yourself with a goat!  Animal humping - no.  Getting wild - yes.

I Am Squints

In the movie "The Sandlot" (referenced in my last blog, so I'm just going with it here) "Squints Palledorous launches himself to the bottom of the swimming pool after years of watching Wendy Peffercorn, the lifeguard rubbing and oiling herself (she knew damn well the boys couldn't help but stare).  Wendy jumps in after Squints and begins mouth to mouth resuscitation - all part of Squints' plan.  He plants a big kiss and walks taller that day.

Today I am walking taller.  After putting myself out there by agreeing to cook for twenty-four people a menu of filet mignon with three mushroom sauce, rosemary-garlic potatoes, bread with lemon-parsley compound butter... I am Squints.

With awesome help from: Tom, Toby, Brian, Tom and Scott we cooked for and served 24 mothers and sons and they left for the dance smiling, happy, and satisfied.  Chicks dig that.

My favorite part is stopping amidst the chaos to enjoy the laughing, smiling faces and the sounds of the dinner plates as the forks are reloaded for another bite of yumm.  We dads hit the obligatory high-fives and soaked in the revelry.  Then got busy plating dessert, pouring wine, refilling water glasses and serving.

For those who asked, here is a rough sketch of how to do the sauce:

Make the sauce the day before, because feeding that many is too difficult to handle every task.  Chop 3 large shallots and saute in butter about five minutes, add chopped shiitake, cremini, portabella mushrooms (about half-pound each) and cook medium-high for 10 more minutes.  Add half bottle of good red wine and reduce heat to medium.  Simmer that until volume of liquid is down to about one-third of total.  Now add 3 cups of low sodium beef broth and simmer that until reduced to half.  At that point I cooled and stored the sauce.

Next day I brought it up to heat slowly and added fresh rosemary and just before serving, adjusted the salt and pepper to taste.  Whisk in a little butter (that's called mounting) and you're ready to go.

The other one that people asked about was the compound butter.  This is a cool thing because you can serve it with bread or vegetables.  OR you can put a little on top of a nice piece of fish or even a steak.  As it melts it turns into its own yummy sauce!  I know!  How cool!

Soften one stick of butter and add the zest of one lemon.  Chop a handful of fresh parsley and stir well.  It will still be soft, so spoon that onto clear plastic wrap and form it into a long tube.  Twist the ends to close and place it into the fridge so it will firm up again.  When chilled, slice into little disks and serve.

Happy People Eating Good Food

rock on,

Squints